“I don’t know how to talk to her anymore!” “I’m so frustrated! So many broken promises!” “He’s tearing our family apart!” “Where do I turn? Nobody seems to be able to help me!” “If she doesn’t stop, I’m going to leave her” “I’ve had enough of him ~ I don’t even know why I keep trying anymore.” “I can’t believe this is happening. What do I do now?”
Have you ever felt that way? Then it’s time to do something, and there is something you can do.
A person engaged in patterns of self-destructive behavior (substance abuse, gambling, pornography, eating disorders, work addiction, any compulsive/addictive behavior) brings suffering to themselves and to those around them. If the process continues, some of the consequences can be irretrievable: devastated relationships, emotional scarring, mental breakdown, financial ruin, physical debilitation, and even death.
But what if that process could be interrupted? What if something could be done that could relieve the suffering of this loved one and those who care?
Something can be done. An intervention.
A variety of intervention services are available depending on the circumstances including:
Traditional Two Day Interventions
The first day of a typical intervention is a training session during which family members and other participants become equipped to approach the person involved in destructive patterns in ways that are most helpful. The second day includes the intervention with that person, followed by referral and escort (if necessary) to an appropriate helping agency.
Two-day Intensive Consultation
This kind of intervention involves a small group experience with members of a relationship system (family, church, employment). It includes training, interaction, and a diagnostic and referral process designed to move the members of the system toward a place of recovery and health.
An intervention is a caring, deliberate, and well-conceived event, through which people who care express their concern. It is a safe and intentional opportunity for them to reflect back to their loved one the ramifications of his or her behavior on themselves and others, and to present a plan to change and get help in ways that will address the causes and alleviate the suffering of all involved.
The concept of intervention in itself is not new for you, is it? Certainly you can remember back to a time when an event, a crisis, an insight “intervened” in your life and sent it in a different direction. And haven’t you attempted to “intervene” on your loved one, time after time, trying to reason, coax, bribe, plead with them to change? And hasn’t it resulted in more tension in the relationship, as well as more feelings of frustration, anger, and hopelessness?
This method has not failed for lack of care, effort, or sincerity on your part. It has failed because your efforts have actually become part of a pattern that drags on for months, maybe even years. It has failed because you cannot “intervene” alone. You need help. And there is help.
Jeff VanVonderen (with colleague as needed) will train and guide family members and other significant caring individuals through the process of intervening in the life of a loved one caught in a life-controlling problem. With his skilled assistance, an intervention creates the opportunity to interrupt destructive patterns of living or deal constructively with a crisis situation. Here’s what several people have said recently about an intervention led by Jeff:
“Jeff, thank you so much helping us get Mom the help she needs — there isn’t anything that you could have done better. And thanks again for your help and compassion for all the family. I feel (personally) as if a great weight has been lifted from me that has been there so long that I had ceased to notice it. Regardless of the final outcome, I now think I have a better understanding of how I can keep my immediate family (and myself) healthy even if Mom begins to drink again. I am only now beginning to realize how deeply this has affected me throughout my life.”
Here’s an update from this family after 5 months:
“Just thought I would give you an update on Mom. It has been about 5 months since the intervention and things are great. The change in her is unbelievable. She goes to 2-3 AA meetings per week – has a lot of energy, walking fine, interested in everything. The doctors can’t believe her liver enzymes (or whatever) given her years and years of abuse – apparently, they are all normal for someone her age. The only word to describe Dad is “giddy” – he is doing things with her he never thought he would get to do again. I waited to contact you until I had seen her myself although my brother continually told me that he couldn’t believe the change. We went down for a week in June and spent 2 days with them. She is a 100% engaged grandmother now and our son is totally enamoured of her. She gets down on the floor and plays, reads books to him, colors, etc. And she feeds our daughter, plays with her, holds her on her lap, etc. They decided to come up and spend 4 days with us this past weekend and to celebrate my Dad’s birthday. It was so good to have them here – especially since the last time they were here (last Thanksgiving) Dad told me it would be the last visit as it was just too hard contending with Mom and travelling. By comparison, in a few weeks they leave for a Mediterranean cruise! God has been so gracious to restore her to us – my brother and his wife repeatedly said it would take a miracle – they were more right than they know.”
I’m not making this stuff up. Intervention and treatment really work! It is not always this dramatic but it can be. Here are some other people’s experiences:
“The intervention was a tremendous experience for me, my husband, our marriage, and family. The impact of our time together is too far-reaching to even describe at this point. We are reading your books and see a major change in our lives — albeit a little slow and painful at times. I have told everyone who asks about how the intervention went one basic thing. My husband and I agree that we have never met anyone in our whole lives who so embodies the scripture “speaking the truth in love.” You were extremely professional and effective in your work and for that we are grateful. But, it was more powerful to be with someone who could say the hard things gently, getting their point across, and still able to focus on loving one another. Christians have such a bad name with so many people and I just thought you ought to know you made the Lord real to people that day – even if they don’t know it.”
D.D. (New York)
“I cannot thank you enough! Certainly your services are professional, well planned and experienced. . . You go so far beyond providing a service, your presence, support and true interest in helping others is so intense and unlimited. Only a Guardian Angel appears in your life the way you did in mine to bring such peace and remove so much pain. It surely will be a long process and it is far from being over, but as you said: “there is nothing I will not do to help my dad get better”. Thank you for holding my hand until I actually convinced myself of such a powerful statement. Today I feel strong and determined to continue to help him and our family. I cannot believe I actually did what I did this past week, as difficult, scary and emotionally torturous as it was, I actually think I experienced a new meaning of true love and ended a nightmare. What comes next will not be free of pain or difficulty but I am ready for it. There is so much help out there I am certainly going to seek what will be best for me. . . I will keep you posted! Muchas gracias! ”
M.D. (Mexico City)
” First of all I want to say thank you from the depths of my heart for working with us. You have helped our family with what I thought was a lost cause….my cousin ______. Spending the training day with you was very educational. Having grown up in a house with an addict (that is now recovering) and being married to an addict (that is now recovering) I have struggled for many answers. I have never understood the in’s and out’s of an addicts brain and why they do what they do. Thanks to you it makes a lot more sense now. I can honestly say I will be a better person and live with a clearer understanding thanks to you. You are a “God sent” and an inspiration. Thanks again,
HB in Oakland
” I just wanted to thank you once again for the amazing work you did to get our beautiful girl to a safe place. As I told you before, I really thought we could do it ourselves but I had no idea that there was magic that needed to be worked and you knew exactly how to work it. . . I can now see a glimpse of a beautiful bright future. . . Thank you so much for helping us get off the path that we were going and begin to move into the direction of REALLY helping [our daughter] become a happy beautiful girl.”
Do you care about someone struggling with a life-controlling problem? Do you need help in getting them help?
Call Jeff VanVonderen toll free at 1-949-677-8354 to acquire his assistance, or begin the process by using the email form below:
Important: Although I regularly do interventions for A&E’s Intervention program, most of my clients are private clients which have nothing to do with the TV show. Also, I am not involved at all in the process of selecting participants for A&E’s Intervention program. Please contact A&E directly about any concerns related to the show .